


I'm drowning (you're my oxygen)

by moonlightss



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Depression, Fluff, i really am bad at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightss/pseuds/moonlightss
Summary: The lows are the worst part but Isak's always there to help him through.





	I'm drowning (you're my oxygen)

Coming off of a high is what Even hates the most. The loss of enjoyment in things he's usually very passionate about, the sadness and the emptiness filling his whole body is unbearable. He stays in bed and hopes to sleep away the weakness growing inside of him.

He tries, for Isak, the corner of his mouth pulling up for a second in what feels like something that could be a smile. He tries, and the worry in Isak's eyes softens for a bit but then it's back. Even hates it. He knows he shouldn't, Isak worries because he loves him, he knows that. It just doesn't really help right now.

He turns on his other side and buries his face in the pillow, wanting to scream but no sound leaves his mouth. There's a sigh low in his throat, making his heart heavy.

He sleeps.

Isak getting into bed next to him stirs him awake. He doesn't know how long he's been sleeping for; minutes or hours or days. He doesn't really care, either.

The touch of Isak's fingers running carefully along the skin on his arm feels like a ghost and Even ducks his head and pulls the cover up to his nose. The touch is gone and there's an even bigger loss in Even's heart so he takes all the strength he has in his body and turns around, eyes not meeting Isak's. He stares at his chest, eyes heavy with sleep and he wants to say something, he wants to tell Isak to not let go but only a tear manages to fall out from his eyes, a wet spot forming on the pillow.

Isak holds him while he falls asleep.

Even wakes up to his heart beating uncomfortably fast and the back of his neck is on fire, his breaths short and in his chest. He drags his shaking body closer to Isak's, and Isak starts drawing circles on his lower back and breathes slow with Even. It helps a little but there's still a lump in his throat and his nails are pressing into his palm under the blanket and he forces his eyes to stay shut. Eventually they do, they stay shut without trying, and Even falls into darkness where he doesn't need to exist.

He'd say it's his favourite place but then he would have to fight with himself because being in Isak's arms, their laughter filling the air around them is somewhere he likes to be the most too. He doesn't have the energy to fight, though, so he just stops existing for now.

The next time he wakes up is to a knock on the door and it's loud,too loud, Even buries his face deeper into the pillow. Isak leaves his side with a kiss on top of his head that only feels like a breeze and Even sighs shakily.

His nose picks up the smell of pizza and his stomach grumbles with a noise as low as his appetite. He figures the smell only would fill him enough for the day.

“Not yet?” Isak's voice is soft and a whisper in the silence and Even wants to smile at how good he is to him, at how good he's handling the mess Even is right now, how good he's been handling it, despite Even being the opposite of good. Instead he opens his eyes and looks at Isak for a moment before he looks back down,and Isak knows.

The bed dips in next to him and the warmth of Isak's body is back and he lets Even decide if he wants the closeness too.

Even does. He falls asleep with his face pressed against Isak's chest.

He dreams then, for the first time in weeks, and it's only a mess of paint being splattered onto a big canvas, with different colours going from dark to light, and for a second he dares to hope.

Isak's arm wraps tight around his waist and the hope in Even's heart grows a little, spreading through his body like blood, every weak impression of a beat of his heart pumping it through his veins and his limbs don't feel as dead anymore. He doesn't feel as dead anymore.

He keeps sleeping though, but it's with a promise.

It's dark when he opens his eyes next, only the moon lighting up the room through the curtains and Even wishes he could shine as bright in the darkness as the moon.

His gaze finds Isak's sleeping face, and he looks so soft, so innocent and oblivious, Even stares at him, studies the way his eyes move under the eyelids as he's dreaming and he wonders what he's dreaming about. He wishes it's a place where darkness only exists outside in the nature and space and not inside people. He stares until he hears the birds outside.

"Isak." his voice is hoarse from not using it for so long and he swallows around the bad taste in his mouth from the lack of water.

Isak hums without opening his eyes, his hand searching for Even's face, gently caressing.

Even presses his face into his palm, "Isak.." he repeats and it's less hoarse but still weak.

Isak looks, waiting. They eye each other for a while, Even doesn't know how long, gets lost in Isak's eyes and time, then he nods almost unnoticable. But Isak notices. He always does.

Then Isak is standing up and leaving the room, only to bring in some water for Even. Isak smiles tiredly as he's handing it to him.

Even sits up, his back pressed against the wall, the blanket still wrapped around his body and he lifts the glass up to his lips. He stares down the bottom of it before he takes the first sip, feeling it sliding down his throat then lower, and he repeats it a few more times. He doesn't drink all of it.

He hands it back to Isak who places it on the table next to their bed and he seems to hesitate before asking, and Even already knows what it is but doesn't interrupt him.

"Hungry?"

Even hides his hands under the blanket, pulling it up to his neck and he shrugs weakly. There's a panging in his stomach but he's so used to it he's not sure if it's because of the hunger or sadness. Probably both. He wishes his hunger could eat his sadness away.

It's later in the day when he finally eats, picking apart a slice of heated pizza in bed with Isak next to him, eating his own slice slowly. He smiles at him in encouragement, his eyes soft and warm, and that's how he ends up eating half of the slice.

Even stays like that for a long moment, sitting up and he watches Isak move around in the room, getting his laptop and shortly afterwards climbing back inside the bed. And this is a nice part of it all, a promising part that things are moving forward, it's getting better and Even's body doesn't feel as heavy, his breaths slowly filling up his lungs with warmth instead of the cold air spreading inside.

Their backs are against the wall again and a movie is playing faintly on the laptop placed on Isak's thighs. Even rests his head on Isak's shoulder and Isak is reaching between their bodies, finding Even's hand and he laces their fingers in Even's lap. Even stares, follows the movement of Isak's thumb caressing his skin there and Even feels like with every stroke his body gains back its colour. He tightens the grip around Isak's fingers and the caressing stops for a second and Even feels his eyes on the side of his face but he doesn't look up. He uses his own thumb to lift Isak's as a _go on_ , and Isak does.

The movie is half as interesting as Isak's presence.

Even manages to fall asleep and wakes up in the middle of the movie, rubbing his eyes against Isak's shoulder. Isak looks down at him with a smile,

"Tea?"

Even nods, breathing a kiss on Isak's skin.

When he comes back it's with a wide smile he's trying to hide and he carefully hands him the cup, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I boiled the water and all." The grin in his voice evident, "Like you taught me."

Then there's a smile fighting its way to Even's face as he's looking up at Isak, and it only lasts about two seconds but it's there for longer in his eyes.

Isak rounds the bed, slipping under the covers as Even takes the first gulp and it's fairly good, and he takes a note to make a joke about it to Isak later. A slight shiver runs down his spine as he imagines the sound of Isak's laugh ringing through the flat, his face offended yet proud, his eyes soft. They're always soft. He presses their shoulders together and the laptop is back in Isak's lap and he looks at Even before pressing anything on the keyboard,

"We could start it over."

Even looks from his eyes to his lips then back, "It's okay. Let's keep going."

And they do.

 


End file.
